25.03.2020

We went up on the roof of our building for our morning coffee. Besides the electronic whir of the regular Docklands Light Rail, the loudest thing was birdsong. I ran to look over the side of the building when the peace was disturbed by the clatter of a diesel engine. It was a bus. It’s amazing how loud you realise they are when there’s no other traffic. We’ve been living in a maddening anti-symphony of car horns, shouting, meshing gears and internal combustion our whole lives. The stillness this morning is incredible.

Walking the dog yesterday evening, I was suddenly struck by the smell of flowers. There wasn’t much in the park, a few wild flowers and some daffodils, which I didn’t realise had a scent. At first I wondered if it was because the reduced traffic lead to a fall in nitrogen dioxide levels, but the nearest road, The Highway, was still fairly busy. A light breeze blew and the sweet smell on the warm air seemed overwhelming. I looked up and saw the McDonald’s drive through over the road which shut a day or so before. The absence of the rancid reek of flesh bubbling in stale fat meant I could smell the flowers that have always grown there for the first time. It must be the same all over the country. It’s another one of those things, I can’t understand why we tolerate. Allowing this foreign corporation to feed us poison and belch out carcinogenic cow lip and arsehole fumes, and escape paying the tax that funds the healthcare system that deals with the problems they create. These companies are bigger than any state so they’re exempt from laws, tax or accountability. People talk of working towards a tolerant society, I think we should be less tolerant.

Walking back, I noticed every chicken shop I passed on my approximately 200m walk home was shut, about four of them. There are still lots of bell ends on the street though, people smoking weed in the park, selling drugs on the street, which I understand is an essential service, but at least practice social distancing. And stop spitting!

I’ve seen pictures of graffiti and Extinction Rebellion posters going up saying, humanity is the virus, corona is the cure. I don’t want to sound like one of those people. That’s a horrible cynical way to see the world, and I’m aware of the terrible suffering the virus is causing, and I don’t believe culling the poor will solve the world’s ills. But I do think it’s a chance to consider the values we take for granted and ask how we want to live when this is over. The idea that capitalism’s infinite growth is sustainable in future, when it looks like it can’t even survive a two-week sabbatical is absurd. Its days are numbered. There’s news that all the private schools are going bust as well as the airlines thanks to comrade covid, I just pray our leaders get their act together in time to save lives.

As the secular, rationalist capitalist system we’ve put so much faith in seems to fall apart and let people down, I wonder where they might turn instead. Maybe considering God, or even just the value of goodness, or grace, or magic, however you put it, might be useful, and help us avoid moving to a darker place. With that in mind I’m starting work on a piece called What Good Are Thoughts and Prayers?

My main thought is when disasters or tragedies occur, politicians who offer thoughts and prayers are often criticised for merely making platitudes rather than taking action. I understand that, in America for example, banning guns is more likely to stop mass shootings than praying, but at the same time there could be value in it. Is it time to reconsider the assumption that offering prayer is an abdication of responsibility?

Maybe if people were a bit more open to something bigger than themselves, things would be better. I believe there is value in people beyond their economic worth, which I don’t see as a huge jump to saying ‘I believe in god’. If there’s something ineffable to people, what else can you call it? Our way of thinking till now hasn’t worked, so maybe it’s time to give some of it up.

I’m writing to the Imam of the East London Mosque and ask his thoughts. If anyone who happens to read this has any suggestions of other people to talk to, please let me know. 

Matt Hancock just announced the NHS volunteer service which I was keen to join, but these are actual jobs that should be paid. I'm reluctant to join an unpaid workforce that would undercut already badly paid, but vital jobs. And I'm not sure creating a standing army of free workers is such a good idea, it's a slippery slope. The only thing I can think of worse for workers, from a bargaining point of view than high unemployment, is a large number of people working for free. If there was universal basic income I'd be right on it, but as things stand, I'd be better off, and might stave off homelessness longer if I keep delivering pizzas. 

Which I'm still debating whether or not to go back to. There’s still no news of support for people like me, and despite applying for other jobs I haven’t got anywhere. I saw a doctor on the news say every infected person passes the virus on, on average, to three other people. If this repeats 10 times, 59,000 get infected, and 1-2% of them will die. Maybe more if the hospitals are overwhelmed. So I don’t know how to calculate how many people would have to die in order for me to earn minimum wage, but considering I’m on £8:20 an hour plus 50p per delivery, and I do about four an hour when it’s really busy, it could be hundreds. I don’t know… doesn’t feel worth it.

My boss rang last night. I ignored the call. I just thought fuck him basically.

Just heard news that Prince Charles has tested positive for coronavirus but has mild symptoms. So they’re testing royalty and footballers but not doctors and nurses who are risking their lives for us. Cheers lads.